Mixing with the kids

To the right, I have posted a picture of our nephew Paul. He was an amazing young man, filled with intellect and promise....

Because of him, I'm now a member of Classmates.com and Facebook.com. My youngest son is chagrined and put out that I would do such a thing! These sorts of online things are not meant for old ladies, for Pete's sake! He cringes when I mention my page. Of course, I know what he means. Several of my cousins' sons and daughters are also on my page and, of course, things are said by their friends and, by them as well, that would make their parents turn beet red in embarassment.

So why did I join up with the youth in their quest for eternal friendship? Because that's what I was looking for - places my nephew Paul may have visited and friends he may have had. I was looking for anything that just might connect me to him. I had to join the forums in order to view the posts. And that's when I decided it was fun! There are times when hubby is watching sports or working on the computer when I want to talk. And, so talking online helps fulfill that need.

You can not hide, I want to scream to this son. Your actions will be seen. Just like when I was growing up. If I was bad at school, mom would find out. Then she would give me a spanking at home. Not to mention, the spanking the nuns gave me. Today, kids are invincible, or so they think. But as smart as Paul was, he gave in to the most extreme invincibility - death.

We are still at a loss as to why. He had everything, was beloved by many, and still, something was missing. Methinks it was the staggering doubts he had about God, our God, everyone's God. It is difficult to believe and even more so, for those who want to explain everything in intellectual terms. Just accepting. Just believing. It is hard. But what IS the alternative? Tonight is the second and final goodbye to Paul. The hardest question we have to ask is why?

Times - they are achangin'

Gee, ya think? The governor of Illinois is being impeached as we speak and Geraldo chased him down in the parking lot of the show The View. Geraldo is gutsy to say the least - drama king and all. But, why mention Bogla-whatever? It's the state of the economy - big and little people are losing their jobs. Some deserve to lose it (let him have his day in court before we chastise and judge him) and others are just victims of the economy. So what can we do to insulate ourselves from creeping problems that might take us over? From the voice of experience, begin by connecting with your inner spirit. . . .

1. Remember you are a good person, even if you can't find a job or have lost your job.

2. Remember to have integrity (hint to the politicians out there who think they are above the law).

3. Even if you have not planned for a catastrophe, start a rainy day fund NOW for something fun to do. It could be a night out with your significant other. Just because you are down and out doesn't mean you can't have a little fun sometime. Even if that means collecting pop bottles and cashing them in - start a savings of some sort and establish a goal for that savings. My goal is to have enough money for food while traveling in Romania in September (ticket was from airline miles).

4. Focus on the most important bills you need to pay. Duh, that means rent and utilities and food. You can certainly cut down on food a lot. Learn to eat leftovers!

5. Eat nutritious meals and monitor the amount of food you eat. Sometimes when I'm depressed, I feel lethargic and just reach out to the nearest fast food restaurant - cheap and delicious - if you know what I mean. Stop. Reassess what calories are in those treats and eat accordingly.

6. Get enough rest. Yesterday I slept until 5 pm. I was able to work from then until midnight on some writing I'm doing. But I feel a heck of a lot better today.

7. Make sure you are taking all your medication and if you can't afford it - ask for samples from your doctor.

8. Talk to a few close friends or see a therapist, but don't tell everybody all your problems. No one wants to be around a sad sack.

9. Exercise. I'm lying about this one. I don't do it. Hate it. Don't even understand how others can possibly like it. But I'm really working on this one. Just once around the block. My problem is I am so lethargic it's hard to get up and dressed, much less go outside. I'd much rather sit on the computer or read. Get up off your duff and MOVE! It doesn't even help me if a buddy tries to convince me. I'm set in my ways and it's hard to change....

10. PRAY. Last, but not least!

They're everywhere! They're everywhere!

Ok, so today I went to do a few errands and I almost went crazy (ok, I'm already there, so I just advanced a few levels)! Everywhere I went there were old people and I mean OLD people! Four decided to each back their cars out of Roths' at the same time. But it seemed like an hour rather than a few seconds. I was seething. Then on the way to MAPS to change my pin #, about fifty of them were also turning into MAPS. What is this? Did the nursing home release them all at once? I thought...then I realized that I was one of them - a senior citizen getting all her errands done before school let out. I never realized there was a life outside of school. So when I got to the doctor's office for a bag of sample pills, I muttered to the receptionists, "God, thank you. I needed these. I was ready to mess up some old people...." They laughed profusely and as I left I could see them nodding their heads. Yup. They thought I was one of them, too. Funny how we all see ourselves as different. Maybe even better than others. But we're not. We're all basically the same, driven by the same needs, some stronger than others. Today I needed inner peace. Peace some think a little pill can give you. But the true peace was when I stopped and laughed and thanked God for a sense of humor.

Unconditional love. Wow. What is that and where can I get some? It's rare in this hectic society. It's rare in this world, but I can guarantee you it is there. I have a wonderful neighbor who is busier than I at times. So we don't get to celebrate with one another or just sit and watch a movie, even if the invitation has been extended. Rather than sulk and get hurt, I say to myself, "This is my friend and nothing, but nothing will come between our friendship." And that, my friends, is what unconditional love is.

I remember when I was younger my mother said to my son, "If you do that again, grandma won't love you." I was in shock! I don't think she meant it the way it came out, but, honey, let me tell you, it sunk in. What a painful barb and then it came back to me slowly. Yup. She did that to us when we were growing up. She could turn that love on and off. And still does. It's hurtful. It's painful and it's destructive. But rather than dwell on it, I realize I love my mom no matter what. No ifs, shoulds, would haves or could haves. She is my mom and that's that. That's unconditional love. Don't judge one another so easily. Just accept that love. Maybe, just maybe, we will have fewer emotional problems, divorce, crimes, and hate, if we just learn to love for love's sake. God is love, you know. . . .And so is Gracie. I see God in my little granddaughter every day - all I have to do is go online and check her mama's blog out - I see a new side every day. Ahhhh. My Gracie and Love fix all in one!

And it was done....

Ever get just tired of saying you are gonna do something? You wait. You persevere. You even work on the project every day. And then one day, you say, it's just done. I'm finished. It's all I can do anymore. Well, here's one for ya - Stephanie and I just finished our book and signed up with a publisher - so in four months, our book The Twin Within will be published and available via Amazon.com, AuthorHouse.com, and, hopefully, Border's and Powells. It's been a strenuous and rocky road these past four years, but we just have to let it go. If we were to make our project perfect, it would never get done. Consider, "Winning isn't always finishing first. Sometimes winning is just finishing." Manuel Diotte

If you want a sneak peak, email us at todayspiritualwoman@gmail.com and we'll send you the prologue and a few sample chapters to tide you over and to whet your appetite. This ain't your mama's kind of book, or maybe it is! :) Lola & Steph

U2 and why?

Our nephew Paul enjoyed (no, loved, adored, identified with) the group U-2. I am an old woman and don't really know much about them, but Susan, the love of his life, writes in another blog that 40 was one of his favorite songs....so, here's to Paul and may you live forever in our hearts!

I waited patiently for the Lord

He inclined and heard my cry

He brought me up out of the pit

Out of the mire of clay

I will sing, sing a new song

I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song

How long to sing this song

How long, how long, how long

How long to sing this song

He set my feet upon a rock

And made my footsteps firm

Many will see

Many will see and hear

I will sing, sing a new song

I will sing, sing a new song

I will sing, sing a new song

I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song

How long to sing this song

How long, how long, how long

How long to sing this song

You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
- Kahil Gibran, The Prophet

To read about bereavement and how to cope with it, please go to this helpful site:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A616231

All I know is that I cry, I write, I read, and I hug. What more can there be? (Oh, yes, praying is woven throughout all those experiences).

God bless you, each and everyone of you, my dear family!
Love, Lola

Information about Paul from a friend....

http://www.foldedspace.org/2009/01/15/hurt/
Listen to the song on the above link. Here are the lyrics:

HURT by Johnny Cash

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real

The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I will keep myself
I would find a way

A beautiful day until....

The sun was shining today and it was a beautiful day to walk. I met with a wonderful woman about a charter school in Silverton and it was like I was meeting myself forty years ago! She was vibrant, random, and a delight with whom to speak. Then I met with my friend Alla who is a dedicated and talented Romanian-American artist, whose work I will post later on this month on this blog. We decided to walk and went by my husband's office....
Until...the news came out of his mouth - the news I could barely comprehend or believe. The news that one of our beloved nephews had committed suicide. My heart stood still and gushes of hot tears suddenly produced themselves flowing out my eyes. What? When? It doesn't matter. It just is. Please keep him in your prayers - the little boy I remember was now a grown man living in Eugene. Now he is no more. And if we don't have faith and spirituality, then what is this life worth? Why even bother?

I am sure most of us sit and wonder what we could have done. Could I have been a more attentive aunt? Could I have written him more emails? Would he have been happier had others invited him out more? Nonsense. Nothing can be done about what was. We just have to worry about what is and what is to come. Love one another. Care for each other, and please know that I am here for any of you - Nothing is too trivial or too important not to share with me. I am here, dear ones. You are all in my prayers.

Always!
Lola and friends

SOS

That had a special meaning to me when I was growing up - SOS - it was an army concoction created at home by my dad. It was creamed beef on toast. But the army has its own vernacular and it's not something I'd print on the net with my name nearby! But it was warm, comfort food and the two new things on this blog are dear to my heart: first is the baby blog about my little granddaughter and my amazing daughter-in-law. The second is a serious attempt to engage Catholics in serious conversation about faith and religion. It is an open forum for all people, but will not tolerate abusive and/or impolite language. Check 'em out and be the first on your block to get some more SOS! Or is it TLC? Or GFG? (Grace from God)

Just in from one of my favorite guys....

WR is an in-law and a good one at that. He reads our blog and shakes his head, but just sent me the following inspirational video! I think we should all be thankful for our gifts. This man surely is....www.maniacworld.com/are-you-going-to-finish-strong.html

Do you have to be religious to be spiritual?

I don't know, but when I look in the eyes of my granddaughter, Gracie, I see something beyond eyes. I see a world of love and life. I see her spirit. Is that religious? Gee, it doesn't matter to me what we call it. I call it the essence of life - the essence that Jesus was talking about. The essence that Buddha was talking about. The karma that permeates the world. Yes, I know. Now the religious right are saying, "Wow, that's not a truly religious woman." They are spending so much of their time trying to pinpoint infidels, they are not able to live a single moment of peace. I, on the other hand, only profess to believe. I am weak, yet I am not judgmental. Believe what you may - I believe all humanity belongs to God's kingdom, wherever it may be....Have a great humpday (sixties lingo for Wednesday - the middle of the week). Blessings and much peace, Lola

Ok, I went to bed mad. #1 Mistake. Then I woke up sad. #2 Mistake. Took a glass of wine and a anti-anxiety drug to even get me to sleep. #3 Mistake. We make mistakes all the time. Our Lord allows us to do so because we have FREE WILL!!!!! Sometimes, I wish he would just cradle me in his arms and make all the decisions and take care of me. Sometimes, just sometimes, being an adult absolutely is the pits.

What makes us mad? Money. Relationships. Lack of both. Not being in control. Feeling like no one understands. Heck, I feel like I did when I was a teenager. No one understands. Whine, whine. No one feels the way I do. Whine some more.

I need to shape up and get into the beauty of the day. What does it matter that I have problems just like the rest of the world? Whining and crying doesn't fix it, nor do sedatives. I know I will just do something positive right now. Like close this post and look at my lovely granddaughter's picture. She smiles at me on my desk and makes me smile all over. What a great miracle she is! Thank you, Lord, for the gifts I do have! Where is my Bible? I think I can find solace in prayer. I'm not expert at this, you know, but I am trying!

God love you and give you roses today (but remember those roses have little prickly things that hurt, too!)!

Sunday morning and church

There used to be a time when I didn't question getting up early on Sunday morn and going to church, but today is one of those times when I am wondering if it's all worth the effort - I'd much rather stay home in my fuzzy blue bathrobe and sleep. I can get the sermon online and even read the bulletin online, so what's the problem?

Ok, if you buy that, you weren't raised Catholic - or at least not in the 50s and 60s. OMG. Everything was a sin, including not going to church on Sunday, so guilt sets in. Spirituality vs. selfishness. I'd rather rest. Didn't Christ say that even HE rested on the seventh day. Isn't this the seventh day? Or was that yesterday? Well, taking a painting class all day Saturday necessitates my belief that today is the 7th day for me.

Things I ponder: will I go to hell for not worshiping at Christ's home today? Isn't He everywhere? Isn't He within me? Why would He punish me for getting a little rest and getting all that art and other homework done? Why don't I just get up and go? I hate to go all by myself. Sons are all grown with their own families and aren't attending Catholic churches. Husband rarely did. Excuses. Excuses. I love the Lord as best I can, but I fight this rule...

PRAY FOR ME!

ON a lighter note, I celebrate my granddaughter and thank God for her daily. I pray for her health and happiness. Note I didn't say wealth. 'Cause we all know you can't buy that. So, Happy one month + for Gracie and I guess I'll read some scripture while drinking a hot cup of tea with honey. God, I love you! Thank you for sending me Gracie! She's at the top of this blog - she's at the top of my list of loves....Love, Lola

Setting a new trend I don't really care for much....

I must be following in my new granddaughter's footsteps - mixing up night and day. I'm all set for bed. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, took my meds, and went to lay in bed. And lay. And lay. Eyes wide open. No sleep boogers in my eyes. Just laying there for what???? So I get up on the advice of my hubby and take a glass of wine. And here I sit at the computer, my latest play toy. Gracie stays up at night, too. Maybe we should spend the nights together. Gracie and grandma just chillin'. Here's a picture of my little grandbaby - she's just 1 month old and a few days and her daddy is playing with her. I think he's trying to sneak in a few winks, don't you?

Good morning! It's 10:33 and I was up from 3 am until about 5 am. I heard older people do this, but why???? Thank goodness all I have to do today is clean and write; otherwise, I would go freakin' crazy or sleep on the job. The benefits of being poor and at home, eh?

I am currently taking a class in adolescent psychopathology and our Tuesday assignment is to present the decade in which we were adolescents. All I remember is drinking, dancing, studying, and working. I don't remember much other than seeing Kennedy the day before he died (he was about ten feet from me) in San Antonio. That was a week of sadness, however. I also LOVED Elvis. Here he is last year giving my octogenarian mom her first ever personal concert in Vegas!

I tried to get other baby boomers to add to my memories by posting on Craigslist (I know - I was really bored and it was 3 am) and received some of the following: pot, more pot, Vietnam, LSD, drugs, hallucinogenics, strobe lights, dancing, and some more pot. Funny how I didn't get into any of that except maybe for the dancing. I was a pretty quiet girl who tried to find love. Isn't that what this is all about? This journey we call life? Aren't we all after the same thing?

That's why I think you will like our Winter, 2009 issue of Today's Spiritual Woman. We try to help one another find satisfaction and peace in this world. All you have to do is sign up to follow this blog and you will receive your free copies every quarter. FREE. Nothing to buy. Just read and maybe even send us some of your ideas!

Here's hoping you have a bright and sunny day!

Love,

Lola and friends

Keep on planning....

I have a very good friend I will call Hap. Hap has been through tragedies most of us could not withstand, including a daughter murdered, a grandchild dying, and now another one dying as we speak in its mother's womb. All in all, most of us would be devastated, yet Hap is one of the happiest, centered individuals I know. How can this be? Of course, her number one salvation is a deep love of our Lord. She is deeply committed to her faith and practicing it rather than just talking about it.

But she has another few secrets I am sure she would not mind if I shared with you....

1. She is a voracious learner. She reads. She joins community groups. She surrounds herself with positive and productive people. Her husband is more of an introvert, but she does not allow that to stop her.

2. She is gracious. Sometimes I get stressed out and want to vent - she listens, but has never vented or talked badly about another human being. Sort of puts me to shame, ya know?

3. She loves to travel and always has an experience planned. She has helped me in this way, for I would never have thought I could afford to go to China or Jamaica or Europe, but with Hap, all things are possible. I consider her my guardian angel.

So keep this lovely woman in your prayers. We are both planning to go to Romania (my mother's birthplace) in September and her gift to me was a piggy bank to save up coins so that when I go I can do what I want to do without worrying. A true friend! Today I wish you all good friends and good attitudes. We can accomplish all this with the blessings of our God.

Peace, love, and happy adventures!
Lola, Hap, and the rest of the gang

Happy New Year!

Happy 2009 to all of you! It's been a long and wonderful year preparing to share with you our new magaletter (magazine + newsletter format). We are so blessed to have many wonderful and caring women writing for us. We are interested in women and their spiritual journeys from all around the globe. We are all sisters and invite our brothers to read and share with us as well.

We are accepting submissions for our Spring, 2009 issue now. We accept personal journey journals, poetry, book reviews, and much more. Our magaletter is free as a PDF online. For those who wish to subscribe, the cost is $10 per year for all four issues, including shipping and handling. We just want to help one another in this journey we call life!

My name is Lola and even though I have been on this earth for decades, I have been Lola for a year now. After retiring from public school teaching, I ventured onto a new path - art therapy counseling. With my friend, Brenda, I began trying to help women and children become happier and more productive in their journey as well by creating discussion groups, retreats, and what not. What makes us different is that we are not about money. We are nonprofit and trying to stay that way. We know that those who m0st need our help are those who can least afford it. We understand the struggle. We respond to it.

Anyway, back to my name change. My first art class ever was Jane Mays' drawing class at the local community college. Somehow I managed to miss the first week of class and appeared the second week. A nice young man named Mario came up to me and offered to catch me up to speed. He asked my name. I replied, "Vye," to which he said, "I dont' like zees name. Vat ees your real name?" After telling him Viola (vee-oh-lah), he said, "In my country ve call you Lola." So there it is, folks, I've been rededicated to this world as Lola.

Names are important. My family hate my new name. It's my art name, I tell them. I love it and so do my new colleagues in art and writing. So, tell us about you. What is your name and how were you named that? Or did you change your name, too?

With greatest affection and love and peace, we hope to hear from you very soon! If you want to subscribe via the Internet to our magaletter, all we need is your name and email address!

Today's Spiritual Women
Lola, Brenda, and Hap