Because of him, I'm now a member of Classmates.com and Facebook.com. My youngest son is chagrined and put out that I would do such a thing! These sorts of online things are not meant for old ladies, for Pete's sake! He cringes when I mention my page. Of course, I know what he means. Several of my cousins' sons and daughters are also on my page and, of course, things are said by their friends and, by them as well, that would make their parents turn beet red in embarassment.
So why did I join up with the youth in their quest for eternal friendship? Because that's what I was looking for - places my nephew Paul may have visited and friends he may have had. I was looking for anything that just might connect me to him. I had to join the forums in order to view the posts. And that's when I decided it was fun! There are times when hubby is watching sports or working on the computer when I want to talk. And, so talking online helps fulfill that need.
You can not hide, I want to scream to this son. Your actions will be seen. Just like when I was growing up. If I was bad at school, mom would find out. Then she would give me a spanking at home. Not to mention, the spanking the nuns gave me. Today, kids are invincible, or so they think. But as smart as Paul was, he gave in to the most extreme invincibility - death.
We are still at a loss as to why. He had everything, was beloved by many, and still, something was missing. Methinks it was the staggering doubts he had about God, our God, everyone's God. It is difficult to believe and even more so, for those who want to explain everything in intellectual terms. Just accepting. Just believing. It is hard. But what IS the alternative? Tonight is the second and final goodbye to Paul. The hardest question we have to ask is why?
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